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Wednesday, 11 November 2009

if...

if i could, i want to travel the world, work odd jobs from city to city, country to country just to earn money for the next destination.
i feel drained out by work, not to say i don't like my job. in fact, it's just the beginning. but i think i am feeling drained from work in general. everyday i ask myself if what i do is what i want to do and what purpose is there in doing what i do? the bottomline i am working for is money.
but what can money do besides bring about material comfort? but at the same time, i cannot say that i don't enjoy such material comforts.
it's such a dilemma... i know there are jobs out there that will make me happy and feel like there is a purpose in what i do. but the money is probably not as good as what i can get now and i can't bear to give up material comforts as yet. i can't have the best of both worlds.
i really hope one day i'll dare to take that plunge and do what i think will make me truly happy without always worrying whether the money is enough. because the truth of the matter is, money will probably never be enough.

Sunday, 01 November 2009

my first 5km run

the most i have ever done on a treadmill is 4km and i'll feel like dying after that. i signed up earlier this year for the great eastern women's 5km fun run to motivate myself to hit the gym more regularly. alas, it didn't work; i ended up at the gym only once or twice a month.

determined to go for the 5km run this morning, i ordered mcdonald's breakfast in advance (last night at 11pm) to be delivered by 6am, as i had to be at the flag off point at the padang by 7.40am. at 5.30am, my alarm went off and i woke up sleepy and grumpy and called to cancel my breakfast order, which was denied because mcdonald's claimed the delivery guy was on the way.

tossing in bed for half an hour, i decided i won't go for the run since i haven't been running conscientiously to train my body up and i'll rather continue to sleep in. then at 6am (mcdonald's wasn't lying!), the delivery guy called me and after collecting and paying my breakfast, i went back to bed. but i couldn't sleep cos there was a big voice (the boyfriend sleeping next to me) and a tiny voice inside my head telling me i should just go for the run. so i got out of bed, washed up and had my breakfast.

i was still feeling sleepy when i arrived at the flag off point but seeing so many women in one place all geared up to run, i got excited about the run as well. when the air horn sounded, i could feel my legs wanting to run. so i ran and ran and ran without stopping to walk, except once at the water point.

i ran on the roads leading to nicoll highway, then i ran past the pit building then the singapore flyer and towards the esplanade, under the bridge and before i knew it, i was running towards the end point. i think i finished the 5km in about 45 minutes.

it is truly an amazing experience and i feel really proud of myself for not giving in to sleep in. now i am looking forward to the standard chartered 10km run which i have signed up for already.
p/s: thanks and loves the boyfriend to bits for waking up so early and accompanying there for the run, just to be a carrier for my wallet and handphone.

Monday, 31 August 2009

feeling safe

all couples fight or some term it as argue, quarrel, disagree, have conflicts, etc. well, when two different people come together, differences occur. and when differences occur, conflicts happen.
but what makes a good argument and a bad argument? personally, a good argument to me means that both parties don't feel attacked or doubt the existence of the relationship. a good argument would also mean that while both parties are upset with each other, they recognize and understand the differences and are willing to work through it. and even after an argument, they both feel safe knowing that the argument is not going to create an impact into the relationship which might lead into a break up.
i have my fair share of fights, some really bad ones, some completety retarded and unnecessary. and i usually end up in bad arguments; arguments that hurt not just the person you supposedly love, but hurt yourself too, and also leave both parties wondering whether the relationship should still go on.
i realise over time after many arguments, that bad arguments are caused by selfishness. because you want to protect yourself and your interests come first, you don't really put the other party's thoughts and feelings into consideration. i read a book that says we should all put our partner's interests above ourselves, cos when we do that, both parties are thinking for each other, so we won't feel like our needs are not met which will probably lead to lesser conflicts.
there is no perfect person neither is there a perfect relationship. but i guess that is the beauty of two people coming together because they complement each other in ways that the other is short of. but if we keep picking of each other's shortfall, then we will never see how we can make each other better for the relationship and for ourselves. but it is easier said than done. the question is, are you willing to at least consciously put in that effort to do it so as to create a fulfilling and happy relationship? i know i want to.

Thursday, 27 August 2009

i am so not a girly girl part II

I think God made humans barefooted for a reason; we are just not meant to wear shoes, especially not heels! I've been in my new job for close to a week now and wearing heels to work every day to create an impression that I obviously cannot pull off.
I don't like wearing any covered footwear cos I feel restricted in them, like my feet can't breathe and has lost its freedom to move about. So I really don't understand the logic of girls wanting to wear heels! My all time favourite footwear is flip flops.
So anyways, I have been walking around in heels and suffering blisters and cramped feet! While heels look really pretty on display and on feet that don't require walking, it certainly does not make me look pretty as I try my best not to show the pain and agony on my face.. my inner self is crying out to sit down and just remove my shoes to walk bare foot. What baffles and amazes me most is how some girls wear heels and are able to walk in them effortlessly for long hours. So yet again, I am just not your typical girly girl *shrugs*.

Monday, 17 August 2009

i am so not a girly girl

in a bid to use up my remaining credit package at browhaus because it'll expire by september, i decided to do "lashes in bloom" a.k.a eyelash extension since i was going to attend my cousin's wedding.

so two saturdays ago, i got it done and quite liked the results/effect until i had to remove my make up and wash my face after the wedding dinner. there was no way i could get around washing my face without rubbing my eyes and if i can't do that, the water gets into my eye which can be really irritating. so for a week, i tried my best to be as gentle as i could but the result? quite a number of the lashes fell out. so while i liked having long and beautiful lashes, there was too much hassle to it.

plus, i think either the girl did it wrongly or i'm just really sensitive but my new long and beautiful lashes gave me a headache. there was a sharp pain in my head which felt like someone had whacked me really hard. my threshold for pain is usually high but i cried cos the pain was unbearable and there wasn't a part of my head i could press to relieve the pain. but believe it or not, i actually lived with the pain in my head for a week before removing the extended lashes because i didn't believe my new long and beautiful lashes caused it, till i had it removed and the pain in my head slowly faded away.

i guess the best thing about this whole eyelashes drama is to hear the sentence "you always look pretty to me, with or without the long and beautiful lashes" awwww...

today, i decided to wear heels to work instead of my usual routine which is to wear slippers or flats to work and back home while i leave my heels in the office and slip into them when i have meetings. but for some strange reason, i decided to not do the usual. so now i am sitting in my office with three blisters and cursing at myself for not wearing slippers or flats to work. the shit part is... i have to wear the same heels back home.

my conclusion which i have also known for the longest time - i am just not a girly girl that is into heels and all the other frilly stuff. if not for work purposes, i'll rather not have make up on too. but saying that, i do enjoy being a girl cos i love wearing dresses and the other pretty clothes and stuff that doesn't cause me pain or agony.